An Open Letter to the New World Order

To members of the Bilderburg Group, Trilateral Commission, Council on Foreign Relations, producers of Dancing with the Stars, et al.,

I am writing this letter in order to offer my services to the New World Order (NWO). Over the last several years, I have become aware of your activities of installing a one-world government and/or depopulating 90 percent of the world’s population.

As an offer of goodwill, I first want to make some basic house cleaning items that I would suggest implementing regardless of whether or not my services are compatible with the mission(s) of the NWO.

Most importantly, though I am not aware of your current accounting practices, I would strongly suggest implementing stricter confidentiality agreements with whomever is responsible for the accounting records. There is far too much information floating around regarding who is getting paid by whom. I do not mean to be rude, but that should be the top priority of the NWO for the immediate future. Being disclosed as a paid member of the NWO is extremely damaging to one’s character. Should I become a trusted member of the NWO, I would most certainly require that my payroll information be held in the strictest privacy.

Secondly, in my opinion, members need to cease publicly using the phrases “new world order,” “global governance,” or other similarly haunting collectivist phrases. Alledged members of the NWO, like Henry Kissinger and George Bush Sr.,  are most responsible for those phrases becoming a part of the popular vernacular. I might suggest using phrases like “local option,” “smart governance,” or “sustainable security.”

With those suggestions in mind, I want to emphasize again that I do not personally approve any practices of implementing a global government or depopulating the world. However, my education and experience qualify my as being an excellent candidate for your plans for world domination. I have a flexible schedule and am able to work on a part-time or full-time basis under the right circumstances.

I look forward to hearing from you and hope everyone in the NWO has a most wonderful day.

Image credit: Robbert van der Steeg, with Creative Commons license
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